Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a
restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something
funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do
you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?"
She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said,
"Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I
Know where to find my hearing aid."
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really
stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat
watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed
the old woman overboard. They searched for days and
couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man
back to shore with the promise that he would notify
him as soon as they found something. Three weeks
went by and finally the old man got a fax from the
boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found
your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean We hauled
her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an
oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 .
please advise."
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and
re-bait the trap."
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has
just passed away. At the end of the service, the
pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they
accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and
find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for
ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a
Ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall
bearers are again carrying out the casket As they
carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries
out, "Watch that wall!"
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady
sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I
stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I
have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to
me every morning and then gets up and makes me
pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground
coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and
my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for
half the afternoon."
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal
with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes
love to me until 2:00 a.m. "
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be
crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
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